"People all said 'sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat'" -
Sit Down You're Rockin' the Boat from Guys and Dolls by Frank Loesser
Sit Down You're Rockin' the Boat from Guys and Dolls by Frank Loesser
I tend to avoid confrontation. I don't like conflict. And I really don't like it when people are angry with me. I am a people pleaser. I don't rock the boat. I might disagree in my head, but you won't see my negative comments on anyone's blog.
Blogging is a vulnerable adventure. By allowing people to comment on your thoughts, you open yourself up to the possibility of an attack. I always try to assume good intentions when I read other blogs, and I hope that people assume the same about me. We are all just people - no matter how "famous" or "popular" we are, mean comments hurt. So far I have only received positive responses to my blog. But, as I said before, I've been playing it safe.
Recently in the edublogosphere there has been some disagreement. The water is getting choppy. And, in my typical fashion, I've pretty much kept my mouth shut. I don't like to rock the boat. So much so, that I'm not even going to link to those blogs.
Am I a wimp? Should I be expressing my opinions even when they don't go along with the crowd? Are male bloggers more willing to make waves? What do you think? Please be nice ;)
17 comments:
Oh Liz I think this is exactly why you are so very POPULAR! That post makes me feel so good.
Thinking of taking the whole weekend off from my computer, and focusing on just my family. They won't judge me or be harsh without very sweet and precious make-ups.
And I promise to try and NOT rock the boat anymore--lesson learned well.
Have a wonderful weekend.
"And I promise to try and NOT rock the boat anymore--lesson learned well."
Cathy,
I'm envious of people who are not afraid to rock the boat. Don't stop being who you are (an amazing, kind, smart and interesting woman) - and maybe I'll try and step a little outside of my comfort zone (but not to far) someday soon. I'm working on it.
-Liz
@Liz
Etiquette and disagreeing in an agreeable way always need to be remembered. Some people are unfortunately chronically unhappy and take that unhappiness out on other human beings. Malcontents and others who lighten the room by leaving should think twice before leaving a digital footprint of rage.
As far as rocking the boat goes the world needs those courageous enough to buck the system.
@Cathy - No, don't stop being who you are! One bully shouldn't keep you from your work and passion - please don't give up.
@Liz - I'm (sometimes unfortunately) a female who tends to rock the boat, as you've probably seen elsewhere. I try to do so in a professional manner, but I feel so strongly about some things that I just can't keep my mouth shut. I wrote a boat-rocker yesterday (http://www.katesays.org/2008/05/01/attention-everyone-you-do-not-own-twitter/) which was definitely not embraced by all and I tend to comment on things (in a respectful manner) to express my opinions. I think there are a lot of powerful women out there who ARE willing to shake things up, and I think if you gave it a try you'd be pleasantly surprised :-) Critical comments are easier to take when they are CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, and I think that anyone reading your work would work in this mindset.
I think this comes down to politics.
There are two internets right now. the internet of teh early adopters - all the weird, opinionated, coding, disruptors who MADE these tools and the people who showed up later.
In net terms we refer to these differences along the technology adoption lifecycle.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technology_adoption_lifecycle
The late majority, in classic terms, are by definition more conservative, consensus seeking conformists - not unlike those kids in school who sought popularity and status and didn't talk to you unless you were "accepted" and clean cut.
As with the schoolyard, it is with the early and late internet. The outcasts who made all this great cool stuff you're using were (and are). We would have NO internet if it was not for the very opinionated people who fought very, very hard for the stuff you're all using. And now we're fighting for the right to keep it.
Back when I started blogging, the mainstream was only just dipping their toes in. "This is weird! This is BAD! This isn't right." The media and corporations as well "This is bad, this must be stopped, this is a threat." I remember those early battles between the journalists and bloggers and the question "is blogging journalism" and then watched that battle die as the Big Media adopted a model they had initially been threatened by.
I also watched as my more conventional family members and friends went from being shocked by my online activities to embracing - five years later - one of the worst models of the web: Facebook.
One of the biggest downsides of the arrival of the late majority on the scene (for anybody other than the corporations who love the conformity and consumer behaviour of this group) is the fact that this group doesn't make any noise about BADWARE, bad TOS, bad user controls, bad privacy and Opt Out models that you've all adopted without any fuss.
This is the problem with NOT taking a stand for what you believe in.
And this is why your new DELL computer comes loaded to the gills with all sorts of privacy invading badware you never asked for.
@Charlie, I couldn't agree more!
@Liz When the situation warrants it, anyone can turn into a boat rocker. Even those who claim to avoid conflict, speak up when a nerve is touched....like Kate did in her blog. It's important to express how a situation impacts you when you feel compelled to do so. That's the whole premise of blogging, isn't it?
For me, I commented on a blog post that I considered to be a bit confrontational, because I felt compelled to do so. I found the conversation that ensued interesting, but I don't feel that it relates to me enough to get any more involved. Online or offline, if there's drama and conflict that doesn't involve me - I'll go to my "happy place". I might also eavesdrop, and empathize with those on the receiving end. When I got something important to say and I want to be influential....hold on tight!
Liz,
I think it goes back to the age old stereotypes of feminine acceptable behavior as perceived by MALES. I am a boatrocker by birth- child of the sixties, raised on women's movement philosophy. I work in a field that is predominantly female yet adminsitered more by males.
stats here!
We can use our voices and intellect to champion our beliefs.
It is certainly our right, thanks to strong women who stood up for us.
Bet they rocked-in all ways!
I don't think it's rocking the boat to post a differing opinion. And I think people need to hear/read differing views to be able to consider all sides when forming their own opinions. Well, okay, it IS rocking the boat a bit, but what if the boat is going in the wrong direction? Rocking might help!
Constructive/non constructive debate:
I wanted to add that there's a difference between personal attacks and political difference. This is critical distinction and relevant to your discussion above. That said, request to engage in debate can take productive and non productive forms. Attacking the person, not the politics/ideas, is the the unproductive form.
Also, my blogger profile links to the wrong site.
Liz, I follow you on twitter and I love your blog. I read other people's blogs and the disagreements, etc and I know it's all part of the "conversation" but I don't join in the fray either. I think it's wonderful they want to comment and debate, but it just isn't me. (My blog has one entry and I've been trying to get the courage just to say something, anything.)
So, you keep on being who you are!!
Have a wonderful weekend.
I think one of the issues with the current controversy is a common one on the internet: lack of context, facial expressions and tone.
A lot of things that might be minor disagreements in person, resolved through interesting discussion, turn into these demi-flamewars because we're all guessing at each other's tone.
I'm a boat-rocker sometimes, and sometimes to shy to say anything. I can't really explain why it's one way or the other, but I've realized that my style of debate works much more poorly online than it does in person. In person, I am great at playing devils' advocate, at shaking up assumptions on both sides of an argument. Online, I tend to be judged as being harsh when I'm being emphatic, and my tendency towards hyperbole is taken too literally.
Anyway, the point is that it's hard to have real discussion online without these kinds of controversies, because we're trying to communicate on such a limited "bandwidth" compared to real life.
I do perceive the gendered expectations for communication, but I've never really cared. Men need to be told when they're wrong as often as possible to counteract societal expectations.
I don't know how things are divided between the sexes. I do know that that I often speak before I think. My mother used to always tell me, "It is not what you say; it is how you say it." Right or wrong doesn't matter nearly as much as common sense. I hope I can remember that in the future...
Nice post Liz. I always enjoy reading your blog. I avoid conflict as well. That, however, does not always serve me well. We should not allow bullies or manipulative people to walk all over us.
Every now and then I write a comment or a post that rocks the boat a little. At least I express an opinion. It is 'exciting'.
Continue to make full use of comment moderation Liz as you do and simply delete any comment that you feel is upsetting or inappropriate. Just trash it. Do not dwell upon it. It is your blog, not theirs.
Best wishes, John.
TeachTech
Thanks for everyone's comments on this post. I've been away all weekend without Internet, and now I'm back on the grid.
It seems like most of you are speaking to the necessity of rocking the boat when you feel something is wrong. The funny thing is that in real life I do stand up for what I believe in. I don't go along with the crowd. However, there are certain members of the edublogosphere who intimidate me. And meeting them in Philly didn't make it any better. I know I have to get over that and that is my own thing.
I agree the lack of facial expressions and tone of voice definitely cause some things that are said to be taken the wrong way. And, it seems like some people out there take things very personally.
As many of you have pointed out, it is the personal attack, vs. a critique of an idea, that can be so hurtful. That can be hard to separate when you are blogging. Blogging can be a very personal adventure.
Thanks again for all of your responses. I didn't even tweet this post because I wanted to keep it under the radar (making me even wimpier). It is nice to see that I still got such wonderful responses.
Liz, I don't consider myself a boat-rocker, but I do like to express my opinion respectfully in certain situations. In a personal, face-to-face situation, there is a limited audience with whom you can choose to debate. Online, ANYONE can pick a fight, so to speak. Although you and I and many others can respectfully disagree with another's opinion, online there are way too many angry people who are literally looking for a fight. I don't mind a healthy debate, but online there is behavior from others that crosses the line to cyberbullying. And even if there isn't flaming, name calling or profanity, some people have raised belittling (did I spell that correctly?) to an art form. I have only had a few comments, fortunately, like that, and I simply choose not to publish them. But here's some more blogger love for you Liz. You keep writing just the way you are. There are plenty of other places for the boat rockers to rant.
So many great comments here! (Have you been noticing this "the genius is in the comments phenomnon?" Makes commenting even a little MORE intimidating!
Your post speaks to the whole question of judgment and managing your digital identity in general, I think... if responding to a post that you disagree with makes you feel uncomfortable (and in fact if ANYTHING you do online makes you feel uncomfortable), the first thing I would say is that your discomfort is worth paying attention to.
Otherwise, lessons will be repeated until learned.
What some may label as "wimpy" may simply be "prudent caution" for some.
That said, I think (as others have said) that text is a pretty weak medium for dissension. Live and in-person is much better. Even voice alone is better. The one time I read a friend's post that made my hair stand up on end I walked right over to her office to tell her so.
You just keep living into your gifts, Liz... we're all grateful for them.
I'm about to go attempt a Google Docs presentation, now, BTW. :-D It's all your fault!
I got very busy this week and it looks like my timing was great! I’ve got a back log of RSS to read and it sounds like I should skip right up to the top. ;-)
Liz, I enjoy your posts, tweets and your collaboration friendship. You offer us all a lot. I’m rather new to the collaboration scene (other wise known as web 2.0), but not to people. One thing I’ve learned about people is that, it takes all kinds to make up the world. It’s “your kind” that make it a better place.
I look forward to continuing build our collaborative friendship! Keep up the good work!
Now, I’ve got to get back to my back logged reading. ;-) Thanks for your post!
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